Our Personalities

Hand Jobbity
Hand Jobbity

Hand Jobbity was born with a silver spoon in his mouth – a spoon that quickly turned rusty as he grew up in the humblest of beginnings. With nothing but his wits and a dream to be a famous journalist, Hand worked his way up from the bottom of the journalism ladder.

His first job was as a paper boy, delivering newspapers to the doors of the privileged while dreaming of one day being the one to write the news. But Hand wasn’t satisfied with just delivering news – he wanted to be the news. So, he spent every spare moment he had reading and learning about the industry.

Determined to break into the industry, Hand started small by writing articles for the local school newspaper. But that wasn’t enough for him. He knew he needed to get his name out there if he wanted to make it big. So, he started hosting his own local cable news show – a show that quickly gained a cult following of three.

Despite his small audience, Hand didn’t give up. He continued to work tirelessly, honing his skills as a journalist and broadcaster. And eventually, his hard work paid off. He was discovered by a big-time network executive who was impressed by his “unique” approach to journalism – which consisted of making up stories and reporting on them as if they were true.

Before he knew it, Hand was a household name, with millions of viewers tuning in to watch his nightly news broadcasts. His “hard-hitting” reporting style and “tell-it-like-it-is” attitude won over audiences and earned him countless accolades.

Today, Hand Jobbity is one of the most famous broadcast journalists in the world – a true rags-to-riches success story. And while some may criticize his questionable journalistic ethics and tendency to exaggerate the truth, Hand knows that the only thing that matters is ratings. After all, in the cutthroat world of broadcast journalism, it’s survival of the fittest – and Hand Jobbity is the king of the jungle. And we’re not lion.



Tooker Home
Tooker Home

Tooker Home was always destined for greatness. From a young age, he had a passion for news and a knack for talking. His parents knew he was destined for fame, declaring, “this kid is going places. He’s going to take the world by storm.” Little did the realize it would happen January 6, 2021.

Tooker started his career in local news, working his way up from the bottom by covering hard-hitting stories like bake sales and traffic accidents. But he knew he was destined for bigger things, and he wasn’t going to let anything stand in his way – not even the pesky rumours he had an affinity for under-age women.

Undeterred by the whispers, Tooker continued to climb the ladder of success. He landed a job as a news commentator on a major cable news network, where his smooth voice and impeccable hair quickly won over viewers.

Our Home-boy became known for his hard-hitting commentary and fearless reporting. He was never afraid to tackle the tough issues – like whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza, or if cats are better than dogs. And his bold opinions earned him a legion of fans, who hung on his every word.

But with fame came scrutiny, and the rumours about Tooker’s supposed fondness for jailbait began to spread like wildfire. It was all over the tabloids, and his reputation took a hit. But Tooker refused to let the rumours get to him. He knew the truth, and he knew that his loyal fans would stand by him no matter what.

And stand by him they did. Homey’s ratings only continued to climb, and he became one of the most famous news commentators in the world. Today, he’s a household name, and his opinions on everything from politics to pop culture are sought after by dozens of gullible viewers wearing red baseball caps.

So, to all the haters out there spreading unkind innuendo about Tooker Home, he’s got one thing to say: “Keep talking, because as they say in showbiz, any press is good press.”